Thanks to the work that’s been done to reduce the stigma, perimenopause is now becoming an open, honest conversation. But searching for information can leave you more confused than when you started. We wanted to speak to an expert, and there was only one woman for the job: Dr Fionnuala Barton, GP and BMS Menopause Specialist, known aptly online as @TheMenopauseMedic. She's unpicked common misconceptions so you can enter this transition feeling well-informed and empowered.
But firstly, what is perimenopause?
You’ve heard the word, but what does it actually mean? 'Menopause is when somebody has not had a menstrual cycle for 12 months; after that point we refer to it as post-menopause but recently that's been shortened to just menopause,' Fionnuala explains. 'So perimenopause is this ill-defined phase in the run up to menopause, when things are starting to change.'
Myth: Perimenopause starts in your 50s
'In the past, we viewed menopause as this event that would happen around age 50,’ explains Fionnuala, but new discussions around menopause are making us realise we need to be considering it much earlier. ‘Now, we appreciate perimenopause can last 8 years before menopause and often up to 15 years, so even if the average menopause is starting at 50, we’ve got to be thinking about it from our 30s.’
Truth: You can feel like you’re losing yourself
This can be a challenging time. ‘I hear women say I used to be really organised, I’d just get everything done and now I'm really struggling and that can be hard to articulate,’ says Fionnuala.
Snapping at your partner, struggling to hit your goals at work, remembering words or withdrawing from loved ones can create ‘a bit of an existential crisis’. Fionnuala describes: ‘It can be really dispiriting for women who are just trying to do their best, when they start changing.’
Being kind to yourself during this transition is one of the most important things you can do. ‘Treat yourself with enormous amounts of compassion – we can be our own worst critics! I think how would I talk to myself if I was my best friend? I would tell her we’ll work on this together and get through it, so I’d really love to start changing that internal dialogue to say: I am deserving of care.’
Truth: Talking helps
Suffering in silence benefits no one. ‘One of the other messages I hear all the time in clinic is I didn’t want to bother anyone about this but you’re not bothering anyone! If you’ve been living in misery then your quality of life is really important – not just for you but for everyone who depends on you,’ Fionnuala explains.
Lean on your community. 'Staying connected to your friendship group – even if it’s just on WhatsApp – meeting up with people face to face and sharing stories can be so valuable.'
Myth: Menopause is an ending
The idea that menopause is something to dread could be the biggest myth of all. ‘Most of us will live into our 80s if we’re doing things right and, if we menopause right, most women will live 50% of their life post menopausal so I do see it as an opportunity,' Fionnuala says.
‘I love the word rebirth or ‘second spring’ as they refer to it in Japan, because you’re unshackled from some of the reproductive-era related things,’ she says. ‘There’s a wisdom that comes with it. You see things differently and there’s less need to impress people.’
If we prepare, it has the potential to be a powerful new chapter. ‘If you’re alone in it and don’t know what to do then it can feel quite overwhelming, but if you see that it’s going to come and have a framework to prepare, then you can empower people to have positive experiences that they don’t need to fear… maybe even look forward to.’
